My OWN Immortal
by MetaGiga
Summary: After reading the painful yet infamous fanfic: "My Immortal", I've decided to write my own take on it. Read along to see what an extremely bored author comes up with.
1. Chapter 1

**So after reading the painful fanfiction: My Immortal, I decided that if there was one thing that I wanted to do... It would be to make my OWN version. Please note, the original My Immortal story isn't mine. (Thank GOD)**

* * *

Hi my name is Ebony/Enoby/Evony/Enony/Eboby/ Da-HARK-Ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long black ebony hair which is how I got my name. Why? Because I grew hair before being born because that always is completely normal. I also have limpid eyes clearer than anyone else's which makes me more special. I like to compare myself to Amy Lee and get other people to, too.

It doesn't work but they're just jealous.

Even though my last name is Way, I'm not related to Gerard Way. I really wish I was though because I have a total crush on him. That so isn't incest!

Oh, I'm a vampire too. And I'm even more unique because other than the traditional jagged rainbow teeth vampires have, mine are straight and white. Just like my teeth, my skin is also a pasty white. (This makes me an official Twilight vampire!)

I'm also a witch that goes to Hogwarts. I'm seventeen so that makes me advanced and in the seventh year. I'm also a goth even though I dyed my hair pink and purple like a twelve year old. And me being a goth, I buy ALL of my clothes at the most goffik and overpriced store around: Hot Topic. For example: I was wearing a leather miniskirt, fishnets, boots, and a leather corset because Hot Topic totally sells that shit. I also was wearing red eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and white foundation because there's never such thing as too much white in a goffik world!

As it was snow-raining (people call it sleet, but they're dumb) people were staring at me as I walked along. I decided to give them the finger for no real reason. Afterwards glares were directed at me. Fucking preps.

While walking along, I noticed a familiar figure from the corner of my eye. I looked over to see...

DRACO MALFOY!

I ran right up to him. "HI DRACO!" I greeted energetically. He merely turned around, giving me a sexy disgusted look with his sexy eyes. "Aren't you that idiotic mudblood that always finds a way into the Slytherin common room?" Draco asked. I shook my head vigorously, "No! I'm a pureblood! Just like you!"

"Shut up, mudblood. Leave my sight before I get my father to do something about you instea-"

"Ugh, my friends are calling me... Bye."

Then I went away to my friends who weren't too far away.

Meanwhile Ron, Harry, and Hermione were hanging out in their own spot in the courtyard under a pavilion-like area to not get wet from the "snow-rain". Getting a glimpse at the abomination crossing, they were in awe.

"Bloody hell..."

"I bet she could petrify a basilisk for days with that makeup."

"Why isn't she in dress code?"

* * *

I woke up the next day in my coffin. How I got in there was a total mystery to me, but whatever! I opened it and got out. I like to follow the vampire cliches. My coffin was hot pink on the inside because that's how goffik people like their beds. The only pajamas I was wearing was a giant MCR shirt (I actually used to fit it perfectly until the surgery).

My roomie and bestie Willow got out of bed, flipped her hair, then opened her eyes like she always did in the morning. She scowled at me. "What the actual hell? How did you get that damn thing in the dormitory? What are you doing in my dorm?!" Willow demanded. I laughed, "Willow I'm your BFF! You let me in here!"

Willow kept glaring. "Why do you ALWAYS call me Willow? That isn't even my real name! My name's-"

I just smiled a goffik smile and dragged her to the bathroom to do our makeup. She was never a morning person.

* * *

Willow and I walked out of the Slytherin common room to the Great Hall. She kept glaring at me as I dragged her along because she wanted to sleep in but I had something to tell her today. "I talked to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" I said, then squealed. Willow rolled her eyes. "And why's that so important?"

"Because! He's THE Draco Malfoy! The sexiest guy around!"

"Please stop talking to me."

"He's sooo goffik and hot!"

"Shut up already, you horse's ass."

"My life was so miserable before I met his goffik eyes!"

"You'll really be miserable when you pull this rubbish when he comes by."

As if on cue, the very Slytherin came followed by his two lackeys. "Victoria? What the hell happened to your face?" Draco asked Willow, eyes wide. Willow pointed to me. "THAT happened. Now if you excuse me, I am going to the girl's bathroom to wash off this clown rubbish," she said, then stormed off. That left me with me and Draco himself! "So..." I said sexily, "I hear there's an MCR concert tonight at Hogsmead."

Draco gave me a sexy scowl, "I don't know what that is. By the sound of it, it's a filthy muggle band."

"So you'll go with me?!"

"No bloody way!"

"See you tonight!"

Draco's gonna go out with me! SQUEE!


	2. Chapter 2

**Whoa, I didn't think people'd actually LIKE the stuff I come up with at 2 AM. Well, here's the next part of my version of My Immortal. And for the bands, you've endured being part of the worst fanfiction in existence. That's impressive. Doesn't change my taste for music though. I don't like your stuff**

* * *

It was the night of the concert and I decided to dress up like a bad prostitute to seduce Draco even more. Which meant more stuff from "Hot Topic"! (They have Hot Topic in England. I'm totally not American) So after I put on my makeup, I felt a little sad for some reason. So I reached into my coffin, opened a compartment, and pulled out a knife. I then proceeded to slit my wrists and watch the blood drip because vampires are totally capable of bleeding.

I then started to read a book that I think is depressing but really isn't while my slits kept bleeding. It was at that moment when Willow entered our room (probably to listen to some GC with me). She looked down to me with a glare, then her eyes went big. "What the absolute hell?! Why are you getting your blood all over my goddamned bed?!" Willow snapped. I just smiled, "We always do this together, Willow-"

"GET OUT OF MY BED!"

I handed her the knife. "You want to? I'm going to the concert soon, so better now than alone!" I said. Willow just gave me her usual glare and tossed the knife across the room. "Look you horse's ass," she said to me coldly, "I will do the cruciatus curse to you no matter what the consequences are. So get off my bed and stop contaminating it with your dirty blood."

Oh, Willow. She was always so goffik and mad.

"Well I gotta go anyway. Draco's probably waiting for me next to his flying car!" I said. Before I could leave, Willow stopped me. "Let's make a bet," she said with a smirk, "I bet he won't be there for your 'concert' nor have a flying car. Whoever wins leaves the dorm for... Ah... Two years."

I thought about it. Willow always places bets which, for some reason, she always seems to win in the end. I lost my deserts for two months, my GC posters, and some of my clothes to her! (All if them have disappeared...) But maybe this time, I'll win! "Deal. Prepare to lose, Willow!" I said, then stepped out of the room.

After Ebony was gone, Victoria cracked up laughing. Even if Draco came for some reason, she would have a new dorm anyway. Win win. Plus two years is enough time for graduation. Victoria regained her composer. "How bloody stupid could someone actually get?!" she asked herself, then looked to her bed drenched in mudblood blood. Groaning, Victoria took off the sheets and covers and went to the washroom. Perhaps putting a couple bugs in Ebony's coffin would add some entertainment...

* * *

I waited three hours and Draco was nowhere to be found with his flying Mercedes. Sighing, I stood up and sadly walked to Hogsmead. Draco must still be putting on his makeup! Or he was already there. Pulling out a chocolate covered cigarette, I lit it up and started smoking (it was actually pocky because I'm also Japanese for some reason). After arriving, the concert was playing already and I had a front row seat!

... Toil and trouble,

Fire burning

caldron bubble...

Wait, this isn't MCR or GC! It was the damn Hogwarts choir! I just got ripped off of my free ticket! I spun around and angrily stormed off to the Forbidden Forest to "do it" with Draco. He would obviously be there. After leaning against a perfect tree, I waited.

... And waited.

Finally, I decided I could do it with the tree so I could claim I did. However, I was interrupted halfway in by...

"What're y'doing to that tree, lass?!"

"Dumblydore!"

He gave me a confused look. "If y'need Professor Dumbledore, this isn't the place. Also, th'name's Hagrid," he said as he approached me, "Y'know, this could get you expelled."

"Silly Hairgrid! I'll never be expelled!"

"Well we'll let the professors handle that."


End file.
